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Tantrums alert us to our child’s need for more connection, more feelings of calm and regulation. This Nurture Science lens offers a simple approach to tantrums that not only helps children potentially avoid a meltdown altogether, but also helps adults in the process.
Smell plays a pivotal role in relationships. For mothers and babies, smell is a large part of how they recognize each other, and form a deep emotional connection. When a mother’s sense of smell has been altered, it is vital to foster that connection through her other senses.
Crying is an important part of the physiology of feelings. It’s how babies communicate their needs: to be fed, cleaned, or comforted (by touch, smell, milk, or voice). But even as we grow up and develop language, crying remains a powerful and valid form of expression.
Feeling upset is not a sign of weakness, it’s a powerful signal that we need to connect to each other. Only through connection – mutually expressing our deep feelings – will we find tangible, visceral relief.
It’s one thing to know that talking about our feelings is useful, but it’s another thing to put it into action. Where do we begin?
Listening starts at home, where we build the practice in our foundational relationships to foster lifelong health, well being, and harmony in every part of society.
Eye contact can establish connection, but it can also be a by-product of connection. When two people are emotionally connected, they love to look into each other’s eyes. In the NICU, we have observed that when a mother expresses deep emotions to her baby, the baby reciprocates by making eye contact, often for the first time.
Smells that evoke emotional connection can calm us deeply, even therapeutically, especially during stressful separation. During this prolonged period of social distancing, we can find creative ways to use smell to connect.
Though touch with loved ones is irreplaceable, we can use what we know about touch and emotional connection to give our bodies a much-needed boost even when we are not together. This can help offset the stress of separation. So how do we get the most benefit?
We’re in the throes of major changes: in our home and work lives, and in our society. Many of us feel devastated, depleted, and discouraged. So how do we cultivate the resilience we need to keep showing up? When we feel depleted, it’s a signal to reconnect with our circle of support.